Page 28 - The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous

BILL’S STORY 7
a heavy sedative. Next day found me drinking both
gin and sedative. This combination soon landed me
on the rocks. People feared for my sanity. So did I.
I could eat little or nothing when drinking, and I was
forty pounds under weight.
My brother-in-law is a physician, and through his
kindness and that of my mother I was placed in a na-
tionally-known hospital for the mental and physical
rehabilitation of alcoholics. Under the so-called bella-
donna treatment my brain cleared. Hydrotherapy and
mild exercise helped much. Best of all, I met a kind
doctor who explained that though certainly selfish and
foolish, I had been seriously ill, bodily and mentally.
It relieved me somewhat to learn that in alcoholics
the will is amazingly weakened when it comes to com-
bating liquor, though it often remains strong in other
respects. My incredible behavior in the face of a
desperate desire to stop was explained. Understand-
ing myself now, I fared forth in high hope. For three
or four months the goose hung high. I went to town
regularly and even made a little money. Surely this
was the answer—self-knowledge.
But it was not, for the frightful day came when I
drank once more. The curve of my declining moral
and bodily health fell off like a ski-jump. After a time
I returned to the hospital. This was the finish, the cur-
tain, it seemed to me. My weary and despairing wife
was informed that it would all end with heart failure
during delirium tremens, or I would develop a wet
brain, perhaps within a year. She would soon have to
give me over to the undertaker or the asylum.
They did not need to tell me. I knew, and almost
welcomed the idea. It was a devastating blow to my