Page 227 - The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous

Alco_1893007162_6p_01_r5.qxd 4/4/03 11:17 AM Page 212

212 ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS
The doctor bills are heavy and the bank account is
low. My wife’s parents come to our assistance. I am
filled with hurt pride and self-pity. I seem to get no
sympathy for my illness and have no appreciation of
the love behind the gift.
I call the bootlegger and fill up my charred keg.
But I do not wait for the charred keg to work. I get
drunk. My wife is extremely unhappy. Her father
comes to sit with me. He never says an unkind word.
He is a real friend, but I do not appreciate him.
We are staying with my wife’s father. Her mother
is in a critical condition at a hospital. I cannot sleep.
I must get myself together. I sneak downstairs and get
a bottle of whiskey from the cellaret. I pour drinks
down my throat. My father-in-law appears. “Have
a drink?” I ask. He makes no reply and hardly seems
to see me. His wife dies that night.
Mother has been dying of cancer for a long time.
She is near the end now and is in a hospital. I have
been drinking a lot but never get drunk. Mother must
never know. I see her about to go.
I return to the hotel where I am staying and get gin
from the bellboy. I drink and go to bed; I take a few
the next morning and go see my mother once more.
I cannot stand it. I go back to the hotel and get more
gin. I drink steadily. I come to at three in the morn­
ing. The indescribable torture has me again. I turn
on the light. I must get out of the room or I shall
jump out of the window. I walk miles. No use. I go to
the hospital, where I have made friends with the
night superintendent. She puts me to bed and gives
me a hypodermic.
I am at the hospital to see my wife. We have an­