Page 63 - The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous

42 ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS

again. They had said that though I did raise a defense,
it would one day give way before some trivial reason
for having a drink. Well, just that did happen and
more, for what I had learned of alcoholism did not
occur to me at all. I knew from that moment that I
had an alcoholic mind. I saw that will power and
self-knowledge would not help in those strange mental
blank spots. I had never been able to understand
people who said that a problem had them hopelessly
defeated. I knew then. It was a crushing blow.
“Two of the members of Alcoholics Anonymous
came to see me. They grinned, which I didn’t like so
much, and then asked me if I thought myself alcoholic
and if I were really licked this time. I had to concede
both propositions. They piled on me heaps of evi-
dence to the effect that an alcoholic mentality, such as
I had exhibited in Washington, was a hopeless condi-
tion. They cited cases out of their own experience by
the dozen. This process snuffed out the last flicker of
conviction that I could do the job myself.
“Then they outlined the spiritual answer and pro-
gram of action which a hundred of them had followed
successfully. Though I had been only a nominal
churchman, their proposals were not, intellectually,
hard to swallow. But the program of action, though
entirely sensible, was pretty drastic. It meant I would
have to throw several lifelong conceptions out of the
window. That was not easy. But the moment I made
up my mind to go through with the process, I had the
curious feeling that my alcoholic condition was re-
lieved, as in fact it proved to be.
“Quite as important was the discovery that spiritual
principles would solve all my problems. I have since