Page 58 - The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous

MORE ABOUT ALCOHOLISM 37
easily pushed aside in favor of the foolish idea that he
could take whiskey if only he mixed it with milk!
Whatever the precise definition of the word may be,
we call this plain insanity. How can such a lack of
proportion, of the ability to think straight, be called
anything else?
You may think this an extreme case. To us it is not
far-fetched, for this kind of thinking has been charac-
teristic of every single one of us. We have sometimes
reflected more than Jim did upon the consequences.
But there was always the curious mental phenomenon
that parallel with our sound reasoning there inevitably
ran some insanely trivial excuse for taking the first
drink. Our sound reasoning failed to hold us in check.
The insane idea won out. Next day we would ask our-
selves, in all earnestness and sincerity, how it could
have happened.
In some circumstances we have gone out deliber-
ately to get drunk, feeling ourselves justified by
nervousness, anger, worry, depression, jealousy or the
like. But even in this type of beginning we are obliged
to admit that our justification for a spree was insanely
insufficient in the light of what always happened. We
now see that when we began to drink deliberately,
instead of casually, there was little serious or effective
thought during the period of premeditation of what
the terrific consequences might be.
Our behavior is as absurd and incomprehensible
with respect to the first drink as that of an individual
with a passion, say, for jay-walking. He gets a thrill
out of skipping in front of fast-moving vehicles. He
enjoys himself for a few years in spite of friendly warn-
ings. Up to this point you would label him as a foolish