Page 82 - The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous

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HOW IT WORKS 61
his arrangements would only stay put, if only people
would do as he wished, the show would be great.
Everybody, including himself, would be pleased. Life
would be wonderful. In trying to make these arrange­
ments our actor may sometimes be quite virtuous. He
may be kind, considerate, patient, generous; even
modest and self-sacrificing. On the other hand, he
may be mean, egotistical, selfish and dishonest. But,
as with most humans, he is more likely to have varied
traits.
What usually happens? The show doesn’t come off
very well. He begins to think life doesn’t treat him
right. He decides to exert himself more. He becomes,
on the next occasion, still more demanding or gracious,
as the case may be. Still the play does not suit him.
Admitting he may be somewhat at fault, he is sure
that other people are more to blame. He becomes
angry, indignant, self-pitying. What is his basic
trouble? Is he not really a self-seeker even when try­
ing to be kind? Is he not a victim of the delusion that
he can wrest satisfaction and happiness out of this
world if he only manages well? Is it not evident to all
the rest of the players that these are the things he
wants? And do not his actions make each of them
wish to retaliate, snatching all they can get out of the
show? Is he not, even in his best moments, a pro­
ducer of confusion rather than harmony?
Our actor is self-centered—ego-centric, as people
like to call it nowadays. He is like the retired business
man who lolls in the Florida sunshine in the winter
complaining of the sad state of the nation; the minister
who sighs over the sins of the twentieth century; poli­
ticians and reformers who are sure all would be Utopia