Page 236 - The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous

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THE VICIOUS CYCLE 221
else had made that first call on me. So I always say
that as long as I remember January 8, that is how
long I will remain sober.
The age-old question in A.A. is which came first,
the neurosis or the alcoholism. I like to think I was
fairly normal before alcohol took over. My early life
was spent in Baltimore, where my father was a physi­
cian and a grain merchant. My family lived in very
prosperous circumstances, and while both my parents
drank, sometimes too much, neither was an alcoholic.
Father was a very well-integrated person, and while
mother was high-strung and a bit selfish and demand­
ing, our home life was reasonably harmonious. There
were four of us children, and although both of my
brothers later became alcoholic—one died of alco-
holism—my sister has never taken a drink in her life.
Until I was thirteen I attended public schools, with
regular promotions and average grades. I have never
shown any particular talents, nor have I had any really
frustrating ambitions. At thirteen I was packed off to
a very fine Protestant boarding school in Virginia,
where I stayed four years, graduating without any
special achievements. In sports I made the track and
tennis teams; I got along well with the other boys and
had a fairly large circle of acquaintances but no inti­
mate friends. I was never homesick and was always
pretty self-sufficient.
However, here I probably took my first step toward
my coming alcoholism by developing a terrific aver­
sion to all churches and established religions. At this
school we had Bible readings before each meal, and
church services four times on Sunday, and I became
so rebellious at this that I swore I would never join or