Page 262 - The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous

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THE MAN WHO MASTERED FEAR 247
from friends that lasted over fifteen minutes ex­
hausted me. A complete checkup at one of the best
hospitals revealed nothing. I heard for the first time an
expression that I was to grow to loathe: “There
is nothing organically wrong.” Psychiatry might have
helped, but psychiatrists had not penetrated the
Middle West.
Spring came. I went for my first walk. Half a block
from the house, I tried to turn the corner. Fear froze
me in my tracks, but the instant I turned back to­
ward home, this paralyzing fear left me. This was the
beginning of an unending series of such experiences. I
told our family doctor—an understanding man who
gave hours of his time trying to help me—about this
experience. He told me that it was imperative that I
walk around the entire block, cost me what it might
in mental agony. I carried out his instructions. When
I reached a point directly back of our house, where I
could have cut through a friend’s garden, I was almost
overpowered by the desire to get home, but I made
the whole journey. Probably only a few readers of
this story will be able, from personal experiences of
their own, to understand the exhilaration and sense
of accomplishment I felt after finishing this seem­
ingly simple assignment.
The details of the long road back to something re­
sembling normal living—the first short streetcar ride,
the purchase of a used bike, which enabled me to
widen the narrow horizon of life, the first trip down-
town—I will not dwell on. I got an easy, part-time
job selling printing for a small neighborhood printer.
This widened the scope of my activities. A year later I
was able to buy a Model T roadster and take a better