Page 94 - The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous

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INTO ACTION 73
invariably they got drunk. Having persevered with
the rest of the program, they wondered why they fell.
We think the reason is that they never completed their
housecleaning. They took inventory all right, but
hung on to some of the worst items in stock. They
only thought they had lost their egoism and fear; they
only thought they had humbled themselves. But they
had not learned enough of humility, fearlessness and
honesty, in the sense we find it necessary, until they
told someone else all their life story.
More than most people, the alcoholic leads a double
life. He is very much the actor. To the outer world he
presents his stage character. This is the one he likes
his fellows to see. He wants to enjoy a certain reputa­
tion, but knows in his heart he doesn’t deserve it.
The inconsistency is made worse by the things he
does on his sprees. Coming to his senses, he is revolted
at certain episodes he vaguely remembers. These
memories are a nightmare. He trembles to think some­
one might have observed him. As fast as he can, he
pushes these memories far inside himself. He hopes
they will never see the light of day. He is under con­
stant fear and tension—that makes for more drinking.
Psychologists are inclined to agree with us. We
have spent thousands of dollars for examinations. We
know but few instances where we have given these
doctors a fair break. We have seldom told them the
whole truth nor have we followed their advice. Un­
willing to be honest with these sympathetic men, we
were honest with no one else. Small wonder many in
the medical profession have a low opinion of alcoholics
and their chance for recovery!
We must be entirely honest with somebody if we