Page 120 - The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous

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WORKING WITH OTHERS 99
difficult thing to do, but it must be done if any results
are to be expected. If persisted in for a few months,
the effect on a man’s family is sure to be great. The
most incompatible people discover they have a basis
upon which they can meet. Little by little the family
may see their own defects and admit them. These can
then be discussed in an atmosphere of helpfulness and
friendliness.
After they have seen tangible results, the family will
perhaps want to go along. These things will come
to pass naturally and in good time provided, however,
the alcoholic continues to demonstrate that he can be
sober, considerate, and helpful, regardless of what
anyone says or does. Of course, we all fall much be­
low this standard many times. But we must try to
repair the damage immediately lest we pay the penalty
by a spree.
If there be divorce or separation, there should be no
undue haste for the couple to get together. The man
should be sure of his recovery. The wife should fully
understand his new way of life. If their old relation­
ship is to be resumed it must be on a better basis,
since the former did not work. This means a new
attitude and spirit all around. Sometimes it is to the
best interests of all concerned that a couple remain
apart. Obviously, no rule can be laid down. Let the
alcoholic continue his program day by day. When the
time for living together has come, it will be apparent
to both parties.
Let no alcoholic say he cannot recover unless he has
his family back. This just isn’t so. In some cases the
wife will never come back for one reason or another.
Remind the prospect that his recovery is not depen­