Page 116 - The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous

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WORKING WITH OTHERS 95
Unless your friend wants to talk further about him­
self, do not wear out your welcome. Give him a
chance to think it over. If you do stay, let him steer
the conversation in any direction he likes. Sometimes
a new man is anxious to proceed at once, and you may
be tempted to let him do so. This is sometimes a mis­
take. If he has trouble later, he is likely to say you
rushed him. You will be most successful with alco­
holics if you do not exhibit any passion for crusade or
reform. Never talk down to an alcoholic from any
moral or spiritual hilltop; simply lay out the kit of
spiritual tools for his inspection. Show him how they
worked with you. Offer him friendship and fellow­
ship. Tell him that if he wants to get well you will do
anything to help.
If he is not interested in your solution, if he expects
you to act only as a banker for his financial difficulties
or a nurse for his sprees, you may have to drop him
until he changes his mind. This he may do after he
gets hurt some more.
If he is sincerely interested and wants to see you
again, ask him to read this book in the interval. After
doing that, he must decide for himself whether he
wants to go on. He should not be pushed or prodded
by you, his wife, or his friends. If he is to find God,
the desire must come from within.
If he thinks he can do the job in some other way, or
prefers some other spiritual approach, encourage him
to follow his own conscience. We have no monopoly
on God; we merely have an approach that worked
with us. But point out that we alcoholics have much
in common and that you would like, in any case, to
be friendly. Let it go at that.