Page 271 - The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous

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256 ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS
Twelve Steps to my daily living have utterly banished
fear. But this would not be the truth. The most ac­
curate answer I can give you is this: Fear has never
again ruled my life since that day in September 1938,
when I found that a Power greater than myself could
not only restore me to sanity but could keep me both
sober and sane. Never in sixteen years have I dodged
anything because I was afraid of it. I have faced life
instead of running away from it.
Some of the things that used to stop me in my
tracks from fear still make me nervous in the anticipa­
tion of their doing, but once I kick myself into doing
them, nervousness disappears and I enjoy myself. In
recent years I have had the happy combination of time
and money to travel occasionally. I am apt to get
into quite an uproar for a day or two before starting, but
I do start, and once started, I have a swell time.
Have I ever wanted a drink during these years?
Only once did I suffer from a nearly overpowering
compulsion to take a drink. Oddly enough, the cir­
cumstances and surroundings were pleasant. I was at
a beautifully set dinner table. I was in a perfectly
happy frame of mind. I had been in A.A. a year, and
the last thing in my mind was a drink. There was a
glass of sherry at my place. I was seized with an al­
most uncontrollable desire to reach out for it. I shut
my eyes and asked for help. In fifteen seconds or less,
the feeling passed. There have also been numerous
times when I have thought about taking a drink. Such
thinking usually began with thoughts of the pleasant
drinking of my youth. I learned early in my A.A. life
that I could not afford to fondle such thoughts, as you
might fondle a pet, because this particular pet could