Page 152 - The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous

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THE FAMILY AFTERWARD 131
he could not, for his drinking placed him constantly
in the wrong. Mother made all the plans and gave the
directions. When sober, father usually obeyed. Thus
mother, through no fault of her own, became accus­
tomed to wearing the family trousers. Father, coming
suddenly to life again, often begins to assert himself.
This means trouble, unless the family watches for
these tendencies in each other and comes to a friendly
agreement about them.
Drinking isolates most homes from the outside
world. Father may have laid aside for years all normal
activities—clubs, civic duties, sports. When he renews
interest in such things, a feeling of jealousy may arise.
The family may feel they hold a mortgage on dad, so
big that no equity should be left for outsiders. Instead
of developing new channels of activity for themselves,
mother and children demand that he stay home and
make up the deficiency.
At the very beginning, the couple ought to frankly
face the fact that each will have to yield here and
there if the family is going to play an effective part in
the new life. Father will necessarily spend much time
with other alcoholics, but this activity should be
balanced. New acquaintances who know nothing of
alcoholism might be made and thoughtful considera­
tion given their needs. The problems of the commu­
nity might engage attention. Though the family has
no religious connections, they may wish to make con­
tact with or take membership in a religious body.
Alcoholics who have derided religious people will
be helped by such contacts. Being possessed of a
spiritual experience, the alcoholic will find he has
much in common with these people, though he may