Page 128 - The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous

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TO WIVES 107
these things terrified and distracted us. As animals on
a treadmill, we have patiently and wearily climbed,
falling back in exhaustion after each futile effort to
reach solid ground. Most of us have entered the final
stage with its commitment to health resorts, sanitari­
ums, hospitals, and jails. Sometimes there were
screaming delirium and insanity. Death was often
near.
Under these conditions we naturally made mistakes.
Some of them rose out of ignorance of alcoholism.
Sometimes we sensed dimly that we were dealing with
sick men. Had we fully understood the nature of the
alcoholic illness, we might have behaved differently.
How could men who loved their wives and children
be so unthinking, so callous, so cruel? There could be
no love in such persons, we thought. And just as we
were being convinced of their heartlessness, they
would surprise us with fresh resolves and new atten­
tions. For a while they would be their old sweet
selves, only to dash the new structure of affection to
pieces once more. Asked why they commenced to
drink again, they would reply with some silly excuse,
or none. It was so baffling, so heartbreaking. Could
we have been so mistaken in the men we married?
When drinking, they were strangers. Sometimes they
were so inaccessible that it seemed as though a great
wall had been built around them.
And even if they did not love their families, how
could they be so blind about themselves? What had
become of their judgment, their common sense, their
will power? Why could they not see that drink meant
ruin to them? Why was it, when these dangers were