Page 132 - The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous

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TO WIVES 111
The first principle of success is that you should
never be angry. Even though your husband becomes
unbearable and you have to leave him temporarily,
you should, if you can, go without rancor. Patience
and good temper are most necessary.
Our next thought is that you should never tell him
what he must do about his drinking. If he gets the
idea that you are a nag or a killjoy, your chance of
accomplishing anything useful may be zero. He will
use that as an excuse to drink more. He will tell you
he is misunderstood. This may lead to lonely evenings
for you. He may seek someone else to console him—
not always another man.
Be determined that your husband’s drinking is not
going to spoil your relations with your children or your
friends. They need your companionship and your
help. It is possible to have a full and useful life,
though your husband continues to drink. We know
women who are unafraid, even happy under these
conditions. Do not set your heart on reforming your
husband. You may be unable to do so, no matter how
hard you try.
We know these suggestions are sometimes difficult
to follow, but you will save many a heartbreak if you
can succeed in observing them. Your husband may
come to appreciate your reasonableness and patience.
This may lay the groundwork for a friendly talk
about his alcoholic problem. Try to have him bring
up the subject himself. Be sure you are not critical
during such a discussion. Attempt instead, to put
yourself in his place. Let him see that you want to be
helpful rather than critical.
When a discussion does arise, you might suggest he